"i sure hope so..."
and i did... i dint go to sch today... feeling dizzy after last night... stuck down there, gazing into the dark, desperately trying to sleep... insomnia? why do u have to come up to me so often now? i didnt see u comin last year, the year before or even when i'm in sec sch... wth is ur problem?

think that i'm feeling more and more inferior each day, or perhaps... lower self esteem... "i feel like an idiot. stupid boy. immature freak." yes i do... and i cant help it...

i dont want my blog to be transformed into some depression centre where everything is sad and blue... but for these few days i suppose... i cant help it...

it feels like shit when there's something at your mouth but u just cant say it.. well.. u show it.. ppl ask... and i HATE it when some unnecasarry idiots try to poke and ask.. peeking and disturbing... i'll talk to them if i really want to.. why bother to ask? furthermore, they assume things to happen and make stupid conclusions that i have very serious problems that need to be solved by talking to me and asking me what happened... NO i am NOT referring to u... i'm referring to ppl who want to eavesdrop and those who are guessing who that 'u' is...

why is life like this? the people u want to talk to give up on u.. the people that u shun repeatedly come and pester u.. ?!

life goes on... life goes on...

-speechless-
today is totally speechless for me... i dont want to describe what happened whatsoever... it's just not a good day...

i suppose things really arent that well...

"I’m depressed over nothing. I’ve always ignored it and it just stayed there hovering on top of me."

i dont know why i'm depressed... i don't know what the hell happened today that i'm depressed... can someone be more sad than that? no it's not u... or whatever u're thinking.... i emphasis that it's not and things just happened after i met him at s11...

i came back to write a super long entry today.. in my journal... about 2 and a half pages long... and it took me an hour to sort out my thoughts.. and to realise that i dont want to study today... it just saps me... and i know that i'll only get more depressed after playin games... but i still go ahead with it..

"I really just want to play games and do work. I just want to lead a simple life. Lord, I don’t know why I have to go through all this. It’s harder than going through exams."

Moses... what are u going through?

i dont know... this thing that i'm in... i'm just depressed... today is a bad day.. i dont want to type everything here... ppl will see... u all can GUESS WHATEVER IT IS... but i just feel like shit today.. that's all u all need to know...

they say tomorrow will be better... I SURE HOPE SO.... i sure hope soo...

CCA...

that's just something that everyone has to join in JC... overheard some converstaion that day about some gal who wants to get A for CCA...

i was just wondering what's so important about getting these stuff? i mean... 3 S papers, freaking (and i mean FREAKING) hell lot of CCAs, council etc etc... what's the point? scholarship? what's the point of scholarship? get to good U? what's the point? earn more money when you come out?

sigh... went into some depression the other day.. nearly gave up on studying.. but i guess sometimes there are just angels around who picked us up and yeah.. we study because this is a process that He wants us to go through, and i suppose we want to do our best for Him and no one else...

what's the point of earning the whole wide world in the exchange of our soul?

and the ramblings go on...

So? How's orientation?

It rocks to the CORE!!! I LOVE A'PSTRAPHI!!! it's just sooooo fun and it really reminds me of my J1 years.... slacking through the first days.... cant really concentrate... i cant afford it now... it's just too expensive... i've been slumping into a depression again... it's been a long time since i slumped into such stupid mood and it's just plain laziness that's causing it all...

I've told you that you should do some work in your hols...

I KNOW... but guess what? holidays are over... WAKE UP MOSES... *ring ring* can you tell me how to catch up? ... ...

there's polar waiting for me, i havent start on matrices, got another compre to do before friday, integration assignment, alkene and alkane assignments... and no holidays soon so that i can catch up properly....

who are u trying to blame?

myself... for slacking through the hols... @#$%@#$%@

So?

So what? go back and study lah... #$%#$%

Happy New Year everybody... it's gonna be another long year ahead and i think that it's just going to go 'zoom' past me too fast, i wont even realise it...

anyways, met weien yesterday... talked about ministry next year... yes.. i know that somehow i have to commit more time to the church, but i also realise that i can serve in anywhere i am... things are just so icky sometimes there's no clear lines anywhere....

this year has been very busy and of course, i've met fantastic friends... in council, in class, in guitar... i want to cherish these friendships no matter where i go after this year... today's the first day.. and what's my new year resolution? to grow in Christ and to know Him better...

i suppose next year will be very fast and i wont be ever to treasure every moment... i really want to... it's my last year in high school... before i enter the ominous university... i just want to cherish every thing i have now... and freeze it into my memory so that it'll stay there til death do me apart... :D

yeap... happy new year ppl...